So, I'm a list kind of girl. I appreciate lists in all forms, but I get all warm and fuzzy inside when I create to-do lists (insert all the heart eyes). If you've ever texted, emailed, or even chatted on the phone with me, you know at some point, maybe all too often, (#sorrynotsorry) lists have been involved.
While lying in bed last night avoiding sleep, I began making one of my infamous to-do lists. Between all of the events this summer: packing to move, finishing grad school final papers, projects, and a portfolio (*cringe*), friends having babies, friends/sisters getting married (SO GOOD), planning my own wedding (eeeek!), babysitting and tutoring, switching teams and grade levels at school, traveling with my family and B's, and training Hattie to be a therapy dog (well... attempting), things have been HECTIC. I need a list just to organize my thoughts or I may get lost in the shuffle. But, there are times when I'm so caught up in the ever-growing and ever-changing list of to-do's that I lose sight of the day, and before I know it, it's over and I haven't lived an ounce of the day.
I woke up this morning ready and armed to take on the day (and the world) with my long list of things to do, buy, return, organize, move, pack, upload, email, call, mail, etc. (color-coded for optimum productivity), when I sat down to read my devotional before heading out the door for a walk with Hattie. I knew I was in for a major heart check right away when I read the words "Mary" and "Martha." I knew the story all too well of the two sisters who were focused on very different things when Jesus came to town to stay at their home. Martha was lost in the preparations and busyness of readying their home and tidying up for their guest, Jesus, while Mary was lost in his words, his voice, his teaching. In Luke 10:38-42, the account describes Martha complaining to Jesus that Mary was not helping accomplish anything, to which Jesus responds, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her."
While Martha is lost in the stressful planning and of crafting a perfect image on the outside to impress, which will fade, Mary is literally sitting at the feet of perfection, soaking in wisdom, which can never be lost. There I was, smacked in the face this morning with the truth of where my heart goes many times - to create an image, worrying about the way things appear, stressed about productivity and making progress, instead of choosing the one and only thing that is needed and will never fade: Jesus. How many times do I begin my day with a list instead of Jesus? How many times do I sit and plan and analyze and become worried, anxious and stressed to the point of nearly losing my mind? (I'll tell you: WAY too many.) I attempt to plan every detail of my life, become entangled in the million things clamoring for my attention in this world, and then question the Lord's care for me. How backwards am I? Like Martha, I have been distracted by the thousand things on my list, the things I have convinced myself must get done, instead of seeing and choosing the One thing. Thank goodness for the Lord's mercy. I get the chance today to be Mary instead of Martha, so that's what I'm going to do.
Is productivity and staying busy a bad thing? No. Are lists bad? No. Will I continue making lists to organize things, accomplish tasks and goals and make plans? Yes. Did I toss my to-do list for today? Nope, but I did put it aside for a while. Will I continue to struggle between choosing the idol of perfection and busyness and my Jesus? Probably. But I want to be like Mary, recognizing when it is time to stop and rest, and leave the list for later. After all, the list will always be there, but the moment may not be.
